| A woman writes to the IT Technical... | |
Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems, but to no avails. What can I do? Signed, | |
| Reply to Women | |
| Reply Dear Madam, First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 . If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources. In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7 Good Luck Madam! | |
| Out-Of-Office E-Mail Auto-Replies... | |
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position . 2: Im not really out of the office. Im just ignoring you. 3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldnt have received anything at all. 4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management 5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message. 7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over. 8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. 9: Hi. Im thinking about what youve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response. 10: Hi! Im busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Dont bother to leave me any messages. 11: Ive run away to join a different circus. AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE: 12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as Loretta instead of Steve | |